Understanding Separation Anxiety: From Childhood to Adulthood

Separation anxiety involves intense fear or worry about being apart from someone you're deeply connected to. For young children, this is often a parent or primary caregiver. For adults, it might center on a partner or child. While it's completely normal for babies and toddlers to experience some distress when separated from their caregivers, most children naturally outgrow this by the age of 3.

However, when these feelings persist beyond what's developmentally expected, or when they start interfering with daily life, it may be separation anxiety disorder. This condition can affect both children and adults, making everyday activities like going to school, work, or even sleeping alone feel overwhelming.

Signs of Separation Anxiety in Children

Children express separation anxiety in different ways depending on their age. A preschooler might not have the words to explain their feelings and may simply become upset or clingy. An older child might describe nightmares about something bad happening to you or worry constantly about your safety.

You might notice your child refusing to go to school or participate in activities without you, complaining of stomachaches or headaches when facing separation, or having trouble sleeping alone and insisting you stay nearby. Some children become extremely homesick when away from home or worry that something terrible will happen to them during separation.

Teachers might observe that your child seems withdrawn, struggles to focus on schoolwork, or doesn't engage with peers when you're not around.

How Separation Anxiety Shows Up in Adults

As adults, it's natural to worry about the people we love. But with separation anxiety disorder, those worries feel disproportionate and start to interfere with daily life. You might find yourself calling or texting your loved ones repeatedly to make sure they're okay, feeling intense anxiety until they respond. You might avoid work or social situations because you can't bear to be apart from your partner or child.

The challenge is that when you're experiencing this, it might not always feel excessive to you. It's often when your loved ones express frustration with your constant checking or when you realize you're missing important opportunities that the pattern becomes clearer.

What Causes Separation Anxiety?

While researchers are still learning about the exact causes, they believe separation anxiety disorder likely results from a combination of genetic and environmental factors. You might be born with certain genetic traits that affect how your brain processes fear and attachment. But life experiences also play a significant role.

For children, triggering events might include the loss of a loved one, parents divorcing, moving to a new home or school, or experiencing trauma or significant stress. For adults, separation anxiety can develop after the death of someone close to you, serious illness in a loved one, major life transitions like becoming a parent, or if you have a previous history of anxiety disorders.

Getting Help for Separation Anxiety

The good news is that separation anxiety disorder responds well to treatment, especially when addressed early. For children, play therapy can help them express what they are feeling when it is difficult to verbalize their anxiety. For adults, trauma therapy can help identify the underlying causes of separation anxiety. Other helpful approaches include:

• Setting Boundaries: Learning to establish healthy emotional boundaries can help both children and adults feel more secure during times of separation.

• Building Coping Skills: Developing strategies like deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling can help manage anxiety when it arises.

• Medication When Needed: For some people, medication prescribed by a healthcare provider can be helpful alongside therapy.

• Family Support: Family therapy can help everyone understand separation anxiety and work together to support the healing process.

With the help of anxiety or trauma therapy, children learn to embrace independence, and adults find healthier ways to maintain closeness with loved ones without the constant worry and anxiety. Book a consultation today.